They look like adults, wear adult-size clothing, and eat as much food as adults (maybe more). So are your teens also ready for adult responsibilities when you are dealing with breast cancer treatment and at your wits end? Some are but, frankly, most aren't.
When the chips are down, we have a tendency to ask older children to assume tasks usually reserved for adults - fixing meals, doing laundry, babysitting, even helping young siblings with homework. This is certainly fine to do, but do it in moderation and reward and thank them for doing it. They still need to be teens, you know.
So don't ask them to do laundry on Friday night when everyone else of significance to them is at the movies. And don't expect them to do these additional chores for an indefinite period of time. Recruit friends and other family members to help out, too.
What are appropriate rewards for a teen who's been helping out and fulfilling an adult role for several months? A gift card to the movies? Or that CD they've been wanting but didn't have time to get because they were busy making dinners for the family? Of course, cash always works.
Don't forget to include your teen in discussions about your treatment plan. How long will you be getting chemotherapy? Are the treatments working? These are things they should and deserve to know, so don't exclude your teenager from these talks. (We sometimes tend to treat teens like adults for some things and like children for others.)
When all is said and done, there is a good chance that during this process your teen will come to appreciate all that you do for him or her that previously had gone unrecognized. Having to fill your shoes within the household can be a real eye-opener.
